I've had an interesting few weeks due to an ongoing health situation. The problem is manifesting as episodes of angina chest pain, elevated heart rate and blood pressure spikes plus night sweats and a few other odd things. Tests have ruled out any heart problem so it seems other strange things may be at work within my body, Specifically, it is suspected that a problem with my adrenal glands may be the problem - probably a tumor. So, more tests and a CT scan ahead.
When the episodes take place (usually at night) It's a bit uncomfortable (aka very painful!) but, like all of life, these situations have so much to teach, Firstly, there is absolutely no point worrying about any of this. If the tumor releasing adrenaline is going to develop into a hypertensive crisis and kill me, there is nothing that I can do to stop this by worrying or playing out scenarios in my head. Dying suddenly is a possible (but unlikely)outcome if it is a tumor but I do not fear death. As Ramana Maharshi said to his devotees who were upset at the prospect of his impending death 'where could I possibly go?'. I feel like that. I have experienced great joy and periods of bliss this week since being in hospital and am still largely without mental noise. Life goes on unfolding irrespective of us worrying about it. Another lesson I have been remonded of this week (as if we need reminding) is about the impermanence of the physical body and all things. This body that Consciousness is living through here right now is not invincible. It will pack up when it is time. It is a limited and local vessel through which Life is expressed. When it is ready to curl up and die, it will do so. In the meantime, it is a creation of infinite complexity and wonder - yet another irrefutable demonstration of Life in it's infinite variety and creativity.
I have considered the impact my death would have on my wife and young family. It would undoubtedly be tough for them but mentally playing this out also seldom comes to mind and whenit does, it does not stick. I am just lviing each moment and Life is sublime. For each moment that this body works, Life is wonderful. When it stops working, some new wonderful processes begin to start and back into the void I will return - back to where I have been since the beginning of this, and since what came before.
The events of recent weeks have really confirmed what a huge shift has happened. My life in this body has become largely irrelevant. The 'I' that I am truly am is more than this body although it includes this body. I am so thrilled to not be stuck in fear anymore. Wow. Thank you God.
That's it for now. Appreciate any comments if you have any...
Love Freedom Peace to you all.
PS - Great to seesome inspiring tweets from Caro yesterday (who kindly reads my blog). Deeply joyful and blissful events were taking place there and a complete sense of unity with 'all of this', It was wonderful to watch it unfold. This seeing of 'life as it truly is' is our birthright. It is who we are. Amen.
When the episodes take place (usually at night) It's a bit uncomfortable (aka very painful!) but, like all of life, these situations have so much to teach, Firstly, there is absolutely no point worrying about any of this. If the tumor releasing adrenaline is going to develop into a hypertensive crisis and kill me, there is nothing that I can do to stop this by worrying or playing out scenarios in my head. Dying suddenly is a possible (but unlikely)outcome if it is a tumor but I do not fear death. As Ramana Maharshi said to his devotees who were upset at the prospect of his impending death 'where could I possibly go?'. I feel like that. I have experienced great joy and periods of bliss this week since being in hospital and am still largely without mental noise. Life goes on unfolding irrespective of us worrying about it. Another lesson I have been remonded of this week (as if we need reminding) is about the impermanence of the physical body and all things. This body that Consciousness is living through here right now is not invincible. It will pack up when it is time. It is a limited and local vessel through which Life is expressed. When it is ready to curl up and die, it will do so. In the meantime, it is a creation of infinite complexity and wonder - yet another irrefutable demonstration of Life in it's infinite variety and creativity.
I have considered the impact my death would have on my wife and young family. It would undoubtedly be tough for them but mentally playing this out also seldom comes to mind and whenit does, it does not stick. I am just lviing each moment and Life is sublime. For each moment that this body works, Life is wonderful. When it stops working, some new wonderful processes begin to start and back into the void I will return - back to where I have been since the beginning of this, and since what came before.
The events of recent weeks have really confirmed what a huge shift has happened. My life in this body has become largely irrelevant. The 'I' that I am truly am is more than this body although it includes this body. I am so thrilled to not be stuck in fear anymore. Wow. Thank you God.
That's it for now. Appreciate any comments if you have any...
Love Freedom Peace to you all.
PS - Great to seesome inspiring tweets from Caro yesterday (who kindly reads my blog). Deeply joyful and blissful events were taking place there and a complete sense of unity with 'all of this', It was wonderful to watch it unfold. This seeing of 'life as it truly is' is our birthright. It is who we are. Amen.
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